we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
