she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
