Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
