Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
