Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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