New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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