He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
