I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
