I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
