We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
