She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
