I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
