And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
