Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
