Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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