Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
