this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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