Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
