Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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