I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
