They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
