Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
