next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
