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Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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