I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.