I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
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I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have fence marks all over my body
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.