watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my being single is dangerous.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.