He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When are your genitals available?