apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.