That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
