Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
