My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
