wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
