The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
