Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
