bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
