just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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