I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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