You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
