I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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