New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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