He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize