DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
