I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
