I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
