Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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