You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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