I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
