tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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