i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
