Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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