she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
