Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
