Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My ass is underappreciated
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
