No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
