That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
