Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
