Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.

Fav 9 1070 1319
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

I hate having morals and standards the next morning.

Fav 9 3000 1350
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted

Fav 25 5681 1568
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!

(508): View more from Massachusetts

because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

Fav 20 9576 1683
share tweet
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(661): View more from California

I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.

Fav 6 2843 1055
share tweet
(605): View more from South Dakota

Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.

Fav 3 1842 815
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(701): View more from North Dakota

i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??

Fav 8 939 1462
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(913): View more from Kansas

I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.

Fav 7 1035 754
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(401): View more from Rhode Island

Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.

Fav 0 744 496
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT