I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
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Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
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They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.