I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think a kid would responsible me up
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.