If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
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that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
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just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility