who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes