Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.