My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
