Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.

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  (336): Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me. http://tfl.nu/79qg
  Replies (57) Good night (4747) Bad night (1340)
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  (209): View more from California

  I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.

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  (209): I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two. http://tfl.nu/goqt
  Replies (14) Good night (5241) Bad night (642)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

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  (613): oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt http://tfl.nu/x2m1
  Replies (35) Good night (3434) Bad night (6820)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.

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  (306): Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off. http://tfl.nu/xf2g
  Replies (10) Good night (4256) Bad night (1043)
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  (753): View more from

  He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.

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  (753): He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means. http://tfl.nu/ooa4
  Replies (4) Good night (1812) Bad night (842)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.

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  (609): I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments. http://tfl.nu/kh7m
  Replies (6) Good night (1571) Bad night (1239)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.

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  (410): I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming. http://tfl.nu/sdt5
  Replies (4) Good night (2277) Bad night (837)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.

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  (603): His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice. http://tfl.nu/yv8x
  Replies (1) Good night (1154) Bad night (464)
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  (559): View more from California

  Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.

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  (559): Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat. http://tfl.nu/iy5b
  Replies (4) Good night (1077) Bad night (675)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.

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  (+44): We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever. http://tfl.nu/yqo8
  Replies (3) Good night (939) Bad night (358)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?

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  (317): Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..? http://tfl.nu/l259
  Replies (2) Good night (759) Bad night (345)
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  (415): View more from California

  That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.

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  (415): That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist. http://tfl.nu/yn2x
  Replies (12) Good night (400) Bad night (2397)
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  (714): View more from California

  We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.

  (714): View more from California

  I'll wait.

  (714): View more from California

  It can also be a hat.

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  (714): We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock. (714): I'll wait. (714): It can also be a hat. http://tfl.nu/jio5
  Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (264)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.

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  (308): You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture. http://tfl.nu/dxd6
  Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (293)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.

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  (843): But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public. (1-843): My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly. http://tfl.nu/3lc6
  Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (270)

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