I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
