sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it because I queefed?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
