some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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