I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
