Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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