even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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