1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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