doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
