You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
