I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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