they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
