I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
