omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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