I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
