hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
