and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How external is "for external use only"?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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