I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
