i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
