when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
